Customs and Social Behavior of Gorkha People

Customs associated with religion and social behavior in Gorkhas have an important place in the life of the Gorkha people and his family.

Religious Custom

Some customs associated with religion directly affect a soldier’s life in the army. Here are notes on some of these.

Birth of a child- According to Hindu custom, the mother remains unholy for at least 11 days. During this period, she needs special attention or assistance. That is why soldiers are given 11 days line leave. On the 11th day, Nauran (christening) takes place. Soldiers invite their relatives to this ceremony. The Pandit (Regt Priest) calculates the birth date, month and year and comes up with a letter from which the child’s name will begin and also produces a horoscope called ‘Chhina’, which is used to forecast the child’s future. The Chhina is consulted in all major events affecting the person like marriages, buying of property, finding auspicious days to start big ventures and is burned in the funeral pyre upon death of the person.

Bhat Khulai (weaning ceremony) - This ceremony takes place when the child stops breast feeding, has a couple of teeth and is able to eat some solid food for the first time; normally when the baby is between 5 to 6 months. Again relatives and friends are invited to feed the child with rice pudding. The father gets two days leave.

Bihe (Marriage) -Nepal has a unique system of marriage. Traditionally, the parents make the match, but now-a-days young Gorkhas are increasingly making their own free choice. The ceremony is the same in either case. First, there is an official engagement ceremony, when the boy’s parents send gifts of betel nuts to the girl’s parents. The girl’s parents make a display of feigned reluctance and the boy’s representatives give plausible reasons for the marriage and tell of the boy’s virtues. After this sometimes-hilarious exchange the girl’s parents accept the young man and the wedding may proceed as planned.

The priest fixes dates for weddings according to astrological calculations. Certain seasons are considered not auspicious but for marriages at short notice, (mostly in our soldiers’ case, during leave), the priest can be persuaded to fix a suitable date. Weddings are long affairs and stretch on for the better part of a week. On the day of the marriage, at dusk, the procession forms. Drummers and musicians make their way to the girl’s house walking under an umbrella. The visitors remain outside the bride’s home sitting in the courtyard drinking and eating. The bride and bridegroom then go through various stages of ritual and ceremony throughout the night. The following morning the bride is taken to her husband’s home in the same procession only this time with more guests and presents from the bride’s family. At the boy’s home, the bride is received officially with rituals by the bridegroom’s parents followed by a feast and drinks throughout the whole day. In the evening, the marriage at last can be consummated.

The traditional marriage is still popular in Nepal but love marriages are slowly creeping into society. Now a days where the boy or girl selects his or her mate a short modern version of marriage takes place - registry in the court or panchayat, or a simple ritual in the temple. In the event of the parents rejecting the love marriage, the boy and girl elope and over a period of two to three years, the girl will gradually be accepted into the boy’s family.

Deaths - On the death of one’s father, mother, husband or wife ‘Kriya’ (mourning) is performed for 13 days, which is mandatory. On the death of one’s father or mother the son normally shaves his head. Consumption of meat and salt, wearing of coloured clothes, and sleeping in bed during the 13 days, are prohibited. On hearing the death of one’s father or mother or wife a soldier gets 13 days line leave. Compassionate leave depends on whether he has an elder brother in Nepal who can perform the necessary rites or not. Usually a Gorkha abstains from taking milk or any milk product for a period of a year to mourn the passing of his or her mother who had fed him milk as his first food.

GREETINGS

Common Courtesy - Gorkhas are polite and courteous by nature and they expect the same from those they work with.

Greeting - The most common form of salutation amongst the Nepalese is to join the palms of both hands and to say ‘Namaste’. This is a Sanskrit word meaning, “I bow to the God in you”. This is equivalent to Hello/Good day/Good Morning in English. This is appropriate between men and women, amongst civilians, or between soldiers and civilians. For politeness, you are expected to ‘Namaste’ first to your elder/senior and they will respond ‘Namaste’ to you.

Ram Ram - This is another form of greeting but usually between soldiers. A more casual form of greeting. Ram is a Hindu god. The correct way is to say Ram Ram followed by the person’s name or number, or Hajur. Nowadays, most soldiers greet you “Morning Saheb’ or ‘Morning Hajur’.

Dhogne - Touching the feet of another person with your forehead. This is only done to one’s elder blood relations. Only done on occasions when you meet after a long absence. In the Bde it is not practiced openly but instead done in the privacy of quarters.

ADDRESSING & FAMILY RELATIONSHIPS

Mutual respect, in particular to your elders, is very important. Gorkhas always respect their parents and never call them by their names. They tend to give similar respect to others by addressing them as Daju (elder brother) or Didi (elder sister). Depending upon the relative differences in age, an older person is addressed as uncle or aunt, grandfather or grandmother.

Restrictions

Kicking/Touching Someone With Your Feet/Stepping Over Someone - Particularly An Older Person. It is a social offence and a sin to step over an older person, or for that matter, anyone else. Nor should one touch a person with one’s feet. If an offence is committed inadvertently that person apologies at once by touching the person’s body with his hand. At the same time one may say “Maph garnus hos” - “Narayan” - “Bishnu” implying that the person was as sacred as both gods. Do not ignore this simple but important rule. Gorkhas are usually very sensitive about this. However, stepping/jumping over someone is perfectly acceptable in the course of military training (but not touching with one’s feet).

Stripping Naked - Showing of private parts is very offensive, and must not be done.

Offering ‘Jutho’ (Contaminated) Food/Drink - Any food or drink that has touched the lips or tongue is considered ‘JUTHO’ or CONTAMINATED. It would humiliate a person if such food were offered to him. Nor should the dish containing such food be used again without it being washed properly. Only the younger members in one’s family may eat the ‘JUTHO’ food. Her husband may offer wives JUTHO food.

Shoes - It is polite to take off one’s shoes before entering a house. It is a MUST if entering a TEMPLE or a KITCHEN. The reason is that shoes are often made of leather (cowhide). Not relevant in the Married Quarters. Occupants will not mind one walking even into their kitchen with shoes on during a Family Lines visit/inspection.

Lighting Cigarettes - Do not light a cigarette directly from an oil (or other) lamp.

Whistling - One must not whistle inside a house, especially at night. Women should never whistle. It is believed whistling invite ghosts.

Pointing A Finger At Someone - Socially ‘no’, but quite acceptable during military training. A mild acceptable form of pointing at someone is to point one’s open palm. Always beckon with the palm of the hand facing downwards. Never beckon with ones index finger, it is considered very rude.

Touching The Shoulder Or Head - It is also a taboo to touch a Gorkha’s shoulder or head especially from behind, during ‘stand to’, because at that time the Gorkhas believe that God is present on his shoulder or head.

Beef - Beef is supposed to be PROHIBITED among Hindus except for the SARKI tribe (cobblers).

Liquor - Prohibited among Brahmans. One need not worry too much on this.

Menstrual Period - Women are regarded as unclean during their menstrual period.

Sweeping Floors - Gorkha woman does not sweep the floors in the evening as it is considered that such act drives away good fortune from the house.

Mention Of Husband’s Name - It is not considered right, particularly amongst illiterate hill women, for a woman to mention her husband’s name. The problem of naming is overcome by other methods. i.e. ‘HAMRO’ SETE KO BABA (OUR SETE’S DAD) .

Recognition Of A Married Women - A married woman is recognized by the red powder (Sindhur) on her head. Do not attempt to flirt or tease any woman with this mark on. A married woman normally wears red glass bangles. She must not intentionally break them upon her wrists, because that is done only after her husband’s death. She never wears the colour red or a coloured dress after she has lost her husband.

( Credits - Deepak Rai & British Gurkhas )